Thousand times she walked on this same path. What baffled her most the solace; she used to feel was now lost?
No matter, how loud she blasted the music. It failed to numb the voices inside her.
Their vicious chorus, impending images they project. But, she still takes the same route. In search of lost hope, inspiration and maybe her old self. Something, anything which for a while help her to breathe free? Away from the negativity now she lives with. The questioning glances, un-necessary solutions and accelerating cracks in her confidence.
How hard she tries to lock them away? To wish; she would never hear them loathe her; frown down upon her, compelling her to do the un-forgiven. How she wishes to just mute them? The voices inside her head, her worst nightmare that never goes away.
All the attempts turned vain. They grew stronger every time they resurface; plumping her to ground. The courage she built was shattered all around.
It’s getting harder to hide the struggle she faces within. The scars along the wrist pledge her insecurities. It pains her to see her reflection in mirror. The pale complexion, sunken cheeks; dark shadows under her eyes. But, still her mind screams you are still too fat and ugly to be seen.
It’s hard to breathe, Live with these thoughts. Dusk till dawn a fight within; she fights. She fights; believe her she do. A losing battle yet she wants to win. She wants to prove to every soul who pointed at her, played the part to shun her and to enclose with in her. She wants to break the shell. The stigma, that you can never overcome the mental setback. An outcast in society; stain to your family, lost the right to be happy to live and rise like sun, glow like moon and twinkle like stars in galaxy.
How she wants to break these orthodox phenomena’s? Be an inspiration to thousands like her, be their voice of liberty.
In order to achieve that she has to win herself first, she has to revive the old zeal.
She wants to hear her own booming laughter; basking in self love. She wants to turn her frowns into laughter lines. The most preciously she wants to feel whole again; herself again.
She wants to fall in love with herself and stop thinking about what others says?
So no matter, how many times she has to walk on same path; she will. If she meant to fail thousand times, she is willing to. Because, it’s more courageous than doing nothing; atleast you willed yourself to fight.
She remembers reading this quote once:
“You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore.”
― William Faulkner
And she wants too; leave the shore to find new horizons. She no longer wished to be a pauper but, victorious; in shedding the stigma, negative hymns and defeating the depression and self hate. She wants to be a woman who hailed from this plague.
She wants to be victorious at the end of this foreplay.